♥ღ bReNdz ღ♥

I AM NOT A FREAKING USER!!! I DON'T PLAY WITH PEOPLE'S EMOTIONS AND I DON'T USE THEM FOR MY SAKE. I WAS NOT RAISED BY MY PARENTS TO BE THE PERSON THEY ARE THINKING. 

I don't think that you will invest emotions to someone if you really don't love and care that person. Even if you are far from each other, I believe that emotions are still true. We don't play with emotions. I don't play with my emotions.

If you are using a person, whether it be for material or for money, and if you're with the person for months now, I believe that you will develop some feeling for that person, no matter what. There will come in one point where you will realized that you love the person, and that person means so much to you.

I am not a user, a faker and a gold digger. My intentions are pure and I don't understand why people would judge someone that they really don't know. I admit that sometimes, I am judging people based on what I see, but I am very careful because I don't know them. I have nothing against them.

I cried in the gym's shower room this morning. I can't help it. I miss my boyfriend and I really don't know what is happening, or what's really going on with our relationship. This is the first time I cried outside my room, and really cried. I didn't care if people would hear me sob there, I really just don't care.

I am keeping my hopes high until now, and I really have no plans of giving up, as of the moment. It makes me so mad that I don't have control over these things, and that I don't know what to believe, and what to even think. 

I wish he'd call me, or at least reply to my emails or text messaged me.

I used to miss you. A LOT. But it seemed that you never missed me at all, and so I stopped.

I wanna get married.

I am tired of being alone, and waking up each day alone in bed, and being pathetic. Aaaahhh!!1

Who wants to marry me???

I have been very patient, and very understanding. If it's something that would benefit a person, I will really give way. But I don't think that I deserve to be treated this way. I know people forget, that is why we keep on reminding them things. But why the hell they keep on forgetting their promises?!!

Treating me like this will definitely make things worst. I have been very caring, understanding and very generous when it comes to time, and people who neglect that fact, whether intentionally or not, that I have been very good to them doesn't have a heart.

Give a little consideration. Even though I have been silent about this doesn't mean it's okay with me. Be sensitive. I always find time, go get and give some time for me. Be fair, and square.

Now, I'M GETTING SO MAD.

The first part of my day was great. It was at work, as usual, we had so many laughs, exchanging emails and laughing at our workstations. Nothing much happened today at work. As usual, we had an hour overtime, which is okay because I had to kill time because I need to go to Casa Medica to get the result of my ultrasound.

Then when I went to the clinic, things changed. It's not nice to be in the hospital / clinic alone. I read the ultrasound result while waiting for the doctor to call me. I saw in the result that there were small cysts, and I mean that with "s" at the end, which means, it's plenty. I have ovarian disease, which by the way, the doctor said is treatable. I had to undergo medication for 3 months. The doctor said that after 3 months, I need to go back and have myself check again and do another ultrasound to make sure that the cysts are all gone. I asked her if it's dangerous, she said no. I asked her if there will be problems if I decide to have a kid, she said no. But what really puzzled me was when she said that if I have a boyfriend, I should go make a baby. I was stunned, that I forgot to ask why she said that. Now, I'm gonna have to research that.

In 3 months, Bon will be here, hopefully. I don't have any intention whatsoever to tell him my condition for some reasons. I will handle this on my own, and I will make myself better. I will take care of myself from now on, and will never take for granted the aches that I will feel in my body. I need to take care of myself, or else I'm gonna die earlier than what is expected. And I don't want that.

This is how my name is spelled or written in Korean. My friend AC said that they don't have "z" because of the "j"... in which I really don't understand. Anyway...

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