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Wonderful weekend

nobody@vox.com(Brendz) — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 14:54:13 +0800

My boyfriend was here over the weekend. We celebrated our 10th month together by dining out for dinner. We took pictures with our red sweaters on. :) He gave me a red sweater for our 10th month. Then after dinner, we went to Starbucks and had coffee. That was very fun and wonderful night. :)

Yesterday, we again dine out to a cheap but good food place. It was my 3rd time eating there, and first time for Jerwin. We were so full and he liked the food there. We enjoyed the dinner.

I told my boyfriend yesterday I always wanted to eat out every once in a while. It makes our relationship grow. And I believe that we can both relax if we dine out because we will just on our table and wait for our food. :)

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Phoebe visits her vet

nobody@vox.com(Brendz) — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 16:32:00 +0800

Pictures of Phoebe while on our way to her vet for prenatal checkup for the little monsters inside her tummy. :)

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Extremely sad

nobody@vox.com(Brendz) — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 09:29:27 +0800

Upset

I am EXTREMELY upset today. Aside from having a very stressful shift at work, I learned this morning that prospect and his family is packing things up and moving to Laguna for real. They will be coming over with a truck and pack things up and move there. This really upsets me and makes me freak out inside. Plus I wounded my upper lip because of the Sbarro tumbler I was holding on my way home. And you could imagine my face all frown out. This is not a very good day. I mean, this is suppose to be great because I will be seeing prospect and all but what's happening is entirely the opposite. So, instead of meeting up with him in Alabang, I will be waiting for him here. I even said earlier that I am not motivated to go to Laguna anymore because of what I learned.

Deep in my heart, I was still hoping that things will be better and that they will be moving back here for a couple of months after staying there, but the thought and the fact that they will be getting their things here freaks me out. It means A LOT. IT means they will for real be staying there and I will be left here, ALONE and pathetic. So, the major question is, WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT???!!! WHAT?!! First and foremost, I am done being in a long distance relationship. I already knew that it is not going to work for me, it's not. The one I had with Bon was a absurd and I cannot afford to be in another one now.

I want to cry and I want to shout until I can't shout anymore. I want to scream my heart out and cry until I get tired. I didn't see this coming. I didn't expected that I'm going to be like this with prospect. Why do these things happen to me? WHY??!!

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Wrong choices, bad decisions. (9.27.08)

nobody@vox.com(Brendz) — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 03:38:31 +0800

Mistakes

I had a very unforgettable experience last night. My boyfriend's ex-girlfriend went to his place drunk. Despite the fact that we are just a new couple, he was sitting beside me the whole time her ex was there. My heart melted because I didn't expected that he would do such thing. I was actually thinking that he will make me look crap, seriously.

I was the quiet one last night, and the drunk ex-girlfriend was making some foul actions, but I didn't react nor say a word. I let things go as they are. I don't want issues and I don't want commotions.

He chose me over his ex-girlfriend. He chose me, a girl who is 5 years older than him, a girl who have a lot of baggage from the past and the one who has a lot of secrets. He chose me over to his more than a year relationship with her. He chose me eventhough he doesn't know me that well, and I never gave him the assurance that I will not leave him, or that our relationship will last.

I had an experience way back in 2005 that is somehow similar to what happened last night. I actually made wrong choices and bad decisions. I chose the guy who kept on seeing me and pleading me to come back to him. I left the guy who loved me so much and let me decide on my own. The guy who I spent almost 6 years of my life. That was a wrong choice, bad decision. I should've chosen the guy who took care of me for almost 6 years. Now, that relationship already ended and was never rekindle.

I just hope that my boyfriend made the right decision of choosing me over to his ex-girlfriend.

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When do we say it's really over? (9.26.08)

nobody@vox.com(Brendz) — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 03:32:58 +0800

don't leave me

When a couple decides to part ways, one party will probably still silently wish that they can rekindle their love. One party is still hoping that they can make things work and the other party is moving on, and making all the effort to live a normal life.

When you spent months or years with someone special to you, it's normal to get hurt, be depressed or do stupid things when they left you, or decides to move on. It's normal to cry, jail yourself in your bedroom, drink beers until you passed out or starve yourself to death. But there will come a time when you will get tired of being pathetic, feeling ugly and fat.

Of course there are times also when you stalk your ex, look for every information that you can get through friends, even through the internet, checking their friendster, facebook or myspace accounts. You also get to the point where you stalk your ex by calling them, text messaging them nonstop, going to his place when you're drunk dead.

But after all the humiliation and pathetic moves that we do to see if the relationship will still work, we need to go back to our senses. Well, some strategies might actually work and they will get back with you, and that's good, but what if they start to really move on and decided that he will not have anything to do with you? Sad but true, if that is the case, we have to get up and take a shower and put on some really good clothes, and meet up with friends, eat out with your college friends, or have coffee with your co-workers.

We should always remember that when someone leaves, it's because someone is bound to arrive. They say that things happen for a reason, though I have yet to confirm that it's true, I hope that it will happen to me and to everyone else.

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People who look like... (10.02.08)

nobody@vox.com(Brendz) — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 03:22:20 +0800

look alike

Have you met someone who looks somewhat like your old friend? Somone who would remind you of your friend? Or, have you seen or bump into someone who look somewhat like your ex boyfriend/girlfriend? Well, I had that experience recently. In my new work, I have a co-trainee that looks somewhat like my friend Juvy. She also talk like Juvy, acts somewhat like Juvy, and even the complexion. I also have seen someone who looks like my ex boyfriend. The guy is also a fil-am, he also is tall, cute lips, shy eyes, and a great smile. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the guy and when I told my friends about the guy, they would only say, "goodluck!"

I am sure that we all have experienced things like these and it's really odd and strange to encounter things like that especially when you don't want to remember that person. It sucks. Big time.

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Mind your own damn business! (10.02.08)

nobody@vox.com(Brendz) — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 03:17:03 +0800

mind your business

I remember talking to my friend AC about people and how people would piss you off and talk about your life. She told me that as long as she is not affected or has nothing to do with the issue, or will not help her grow, she doesn't care to those people.

I admit that sometimes, I gossip about people, but I don't make up stories and I don't talk about it just with anybody, I talk about it with people I trust, people who I know will not tell it to other people, without my consent, or at least people that I know.

I just can't understand why there are people who are pissed off with what I am doing when in fact, it has nothing to do with them. Whatever actions I'm taking, I make sure that I don't piss off people, I don't include people in my business. I just hate it when people tell stories to other people just to say they make sense when they talk because they know a lot of things in this damn world. I also can't understand why there are people who can't mind their own business and who can't shut their mouth.

I can't help but just think about what AC told me about people. As long as I am not affected and I have nothing to do with the issue, hell I care.

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Lost almost all Self-esteem (10.02.08)

nobody@vox.com(Brendz) — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 11:24:31 +0800

Low self-esteem

For the past weeks, and I guess we can talk about months, I observed that I lost self-esteem and I only blame one person for this.

I am a very outgoing person, I love crowd and I love mingling with people and I say what I want and need to say even if it will hurt me or them. I used to be confident about myself and I don't think about negative things about other people, and about myself.

It started when me and my recent ex-boyfriend were having problems with trust and communication. I had been very open with my feelings and I was true with what I feel and what I was showing to him. I never intended any harm, or to fake my feelings because of self interest. And as I have said almost a million times, I am not a faker and a user. We had an issue about me being a faker and that I am just using him for my own sake, which is freakingly not true.

The gap between me and my ex lasted for 2 months or so, I think. And as day passed by, with all the things that he told me, his family's comments about me using him, my self-esteem was drained. I began to think twice or even over and over when I think of something or do something. I lost something that is very important to me. Now, thanks to my ex, I don't even know where to start.

I know that I have to do something about this and bring back the self-esteem that I deserve to have. I am not sure if my ex knew about the self-esteem issue, but I am planning to tell him soon. I need to tell him how he made my life miserable for months and that I need it back and he needs to apologize. I need to get my self-esteem back!

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Do we really move on? (09.27.08)

nobody@vox.com(Brendz) — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 11:20:56 +0800

Moving on

They say that we only have ONE TRUE LOVE and if that person is not part of your life anymore, we can say that he/she is the one that got away.

I must say that I already found my one true love. I spent almost 8 years with that person, wherein the last 2 years of that were spent trying to win him back. A lot of things happened and those experiences thought me a lot and made me the person I am today.

From time to time, I still think of my one true love. There are times that when I meet a guy, I look for my ex's qualities. I know. It's not good, but I can't help it. It always come to a point where I look for something that is similar to his likes, to his point of view in life, his laugh, even the smell. I sometimes asked myself if I am really over him.

Moving on takes time, and sometimes, it takes a lifetime to do it. A part of me says I have, but another part of me, haven't. I have been with him for 6 years, and it's not a joke. The only thing that's missing was marriage. Both our parties are in good terms and were actually expecting that we will end up together. We made plans, names for our future babies, where we will live, how many kids to raise, who will pay the bills, who will drive the car, etc.

How do we really move on with these kinds of things? What if after all these years, you still keep a place in your heart for him, and secretly wishing that he'd come back? How do we really move on? Have you really moved on when you already allow yourself to fall in love again and build other dreams with another person?

** It's a lie to say you've let go of the past. Nobody lets go of memories. Each tear is an unforgettable memory. each smile is an undeniable mark, each heartbreak is an untradeable scar. Because really, there's no such thing as letting go, only moving on.

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Can we really forget? (9.27.08)

nobody@vox.com(Brendz) — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 11:13:57 +0800

forget me not

When one person leaves, how long do we grieve and cry? How long will it take for us to accept and get used to the fact that they are no longer part of our lives, and we are not part of theirs too?

My recent ex boyfriend who is miles away from me still enters my mind from time to time. Like this afternoon, I checked his Friendster profile and I saw that he posted a new photo, and I grabbed it. I put it in my private photos. I also had a chat conversation with him, a civil one but I must say that we were kinda hesitant and I can feel the tension between our conversation.

We had been separated for almost 2 months now and from then on, I still stalk things about him. His myspace account, his Friendster account, his facebook account, and I often google his name to see if there will be new matches under his name. That's what I do. Like my 6-year relationship, we had so many plans together and we were also talking about marriage when we were still together. We even talked about moving to Seattle Washington when we get married because I don't want his ex to stalk and visit him when I am already there in Lakewood Washington. But see, things shifted to a very different and unrealistic situation. There were lies, suspicions, bad words and even said the things that were not supposed to be said. But in spite of what happened, I still save a special place for him in my heart. I still secretly wish that we can rekindle the love that we once had.

Can we really forget someone that has been part of your life? Because as for me, I still think of my oldest and longest relationship until now. I still wish that one day, I can bump into him and maybe have some coffee, or lunch or dinner, whichever. If there's a thing as forgetting someone, then I sometimes want to get those.

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